Radical intimacy: Relationship anarchy is reshaping modern connections

• When the term anarchy pops up in everyday conversations, images of lawlessness and chaos after a government breakdown or catastrophic event come to mind. Think of the anti-hero comic character, the Joker or the famed Sons of Anarchy series about an outlaw biker club that values family loyalty as much as violent crime. Yet anarchy can also be understood as a belief system that emphasizes freedom and equality over authoritative rule, individuality over conformity.

These values are central to relationship anarchy, an approach to intimacy and human connection that’s becoming especially popular among millennials and Gen Z. A recent survey from the Feeld dating app shows that 50 per cent of its members practise relationship anarchy, particularly those who are trans, non-binary, gender diverse or pansexual. With an emphasis on relationships that decentre prescribed notions of love and power, it’s a compelling new approach to interpersonal and communal connection.

First introduced in 2006 by Swedish tech developer, writer and producer Andie Nordgren, this way of relating uses anarchic principles like anti-capitalism, anti-hierarchy and mutual aid to resist traditional relationship models. Nordgren highlights the rejection of interpersonal coercion, the importance of community, mutual aid as essential support and commitments as communication rather than contract. The idea is that replacing the codependence of coupledom with more expansive and effective forms of interpersonal care can build stronger communities that emphasize interdependence among people, animals and the environment.

Relationship anarchy is a fundamentally queer and inclusive framework predicated upon creating relationships that suit what people really want versus adhering to social conventions, whether because of obligation, family pressure or fear of expressing true desires. Doing relationship anarchy means giving equal importance to friends, lovers and companions, and most practitioners are in alternative relationship structures such as non-monogamy.

If you’re interested in exploring relationship anarchy in your own life, a great place to start is by reflecting on the kinds of relationships you have been in, and the ones you desire. How do you want these connections to feel? Have you been pressured into a monogamous partnership but really want to try something else? Do you miss friends who often slip away when you’re in a long-term relationship? Maybe you’re struggling to navigate family commitments that feel overwhelming because they crowd out time you want to devote to self-care.

There are multiple entry points for bringing relationship anarchy into your life. You could talk to your partner about it, or focus your energies on fostering meaningful connections with people who make up your chosen family or live in more communal ways. Because relationship anarchy rejects labels like “friends,” “lovers” or “life partners,” you might abandon these categories in favour of customised, integrated connections. Perhaps you want to re-evaluate consumptive patterns often linked to traditional relational structures and live in less resource-intensive ways.

Whether it’s the decline of dating apps, the rise of AI matchmakers or books about celibacy, love sits at the beating heart of countless conversations. With growing interest in non-traditional relationships and resistance to systems that continue to tap our Earth for depleted resources, relationship anarchy is on the ascent. It enriches social networks and community bonds, reducing the isolation many millennials and Gen Zers experience. No relationship can solve the complex challenges impacting younger generations, but how you relate evolves, and this framework might appeal to you. Relationship anarchy might be the non-hierarchical antidote many are looking for.

Treena Orchard is an Associate Professor, School of Health Studies, Western University.

The Conversation