When the world judges, she rises above

CHENNAI: Behind the stoic smiles and determined strides of divorced women lies a story of unyielding resilience. Societal whispers of 'broken homes' and 'failed marriages' often attempt to define them, but they refuse to be bound by the shackles of judgment. Instead, they rise above, their strength forged in the fires of adversity as they nurture their children, rebuild their lives, and rediscover themselves.

DT Next brings the harrowing lives of three women who have gone through the plight of broken marriages, the passing away of husbands, and still refuse to give up on the hope of breathing a better life. (The names of the people are changed as they wish to stay anonymous)

‘Ending a narcissistic marital bond’

Keerthi entered the realm of marriage in her early 20s, driven by the idea of becoming financially independent with a supportive partner. “I come from a lower-middle-class family from Coimbatore. I was convinced to settle for a traditional wedding and decided to get married to my colleague,” she says. However, she didn’t know that her dreams would be shattered within a few days.

Keerthi started experiencing patterns of emotional abuse. “He turned out to be a narcissistic person, and I was unable to walk out of the bond because of societal judgments. My tolerance level saturated when he abused my vulnerability during my mom’s demise, instead of giving a shoulder to cry on. I held on to the bond for my child. But the more I became progressive, the more he was regressive and did everything possible to control me,” shares the mother of a nine-year-old.

Repeated patterns led Keerthi to realise that she would be a better parent if alone. But society had its part in testing her struggles. “It is a curse to live in our society after breaking our marriage. The advice that came from people to adjust and accept the bond was quite traumatising. To get rental houses, I had to lie, stating that my husband is working abroad. Or else, no one is willing to give spaces to a single mom and no tax benefits, also,” she states.

Talking about raising her child amid this chaos, Keerthi says, “I started organising playdates and tried to make him understand that his mom and dad are separated now, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am trying to nurture my child into a responsible and compassionate individual who knows how to treat women with respect.”

‘My mom is my inspiration to become resilient’

Bhavana was just six when her father passed away. Her mother refused to remarry and took the responsibility of taking care of the household and raising her three daughters. “My appa left us with a lot of debt. His partner and close ally betrayed us with the business, and we had to start from the beginning. Even though my mom took charge of the family, the world refused to consider her as the head of our family,” starts Bhavana, who moved to Chennai almost a decade ago.

The 26-year-old has constantly battled the fear of being unsafe, and it still continues to haunt her. “That feeling of helplessness while travelling in public transport at night or facing verbal harassment in broad daylight is unexplainable. We have to stay quiet because veetla paathuka yaarum ila,” she says with teary eyes.

For Bhavana, her mother is the inspiration behind the person she is now. “Before my father’s death, amma was a very silent person, who didn’t step out of the house. But after his demise, she broke her comfort zone to be vocal and confident. She had to raise her voice to get things done even in a government office, where men and women are treated differently. She transformed her personality to raise us,” she shares. She feels that if society becomes more protected, single women will not feel unsafe.

Seeing her mom’s confidence in navigating through the miseries of life, Bhavana’s resilience built. “People say education is a powerful tool. It is true, especially for girls raised by single parents, who stay independent and responsible.”

‘Yaaru veetla thaan nadakkala: An unacceptable yet common notion’

Being the first female engineering graduate in her family, Meera is as ambitious as her mother. Her mom, who entered the bond of marriage when she was 19, pursued her career after that. But that was not the same for Meera.

“It was a typical arranged marriage. My ex-husband was into government services. His expectations of me were to be a typical homemaker, who should not work or be financially independent. The traces of domestic violence started in 2010, when we moved to New Delhi,” says Meera, who was not allowed to step out of her house without her ex-husband. He started beating her to make her understand who the deciding authority is.

When shared with her mom, she was asked to adjust. Meera, who already had a daughter, was conceived again due to marital rape. “In 2018, I witnessed the most violent day of my life and moved out of the house. After huge struggles, only in 2024, I filed for a divorce and got it this year,” adds the 38-year-old. The common advice Meera received was ‘Yaaru veetla thaan nadakkala’.

Her daughter was the extremely affected individual, witnessing the violence from the beginning. “I didn’t want to normalise physical violence, and my daughter asked me to walk out of the relationship as she doesn’t feel safe. However, my son still feels the void, which I am trying to bridge,” she shares. Two acquaintances, Sharadha and Keerthi, were the biggest support system for Meera to face the battles.

“It is high time we have a proper childcare system in India for single parents. And we need to normalise walking out of abusive marriage, rather than living in a dead marriage,” she concludes.