Embracing old age in a foreign land

They made detailed plans on the choice of school, college, career or life partner for their children, all of which also seem to have laid the foundation for their own old age destination. So, it is no wonder to find grandparents of Indian origin, who are never used to wearing anything other than traditional Indian dress, now wear shorts for the first time in seventy years as they walk down the streets in New York or California sipping Starbucks coffee in style.

It is quite a sight to find them walking in and out of the senior centres after a brief chit chat in broken English as they make friends with their newly found American counterparts. Life gets exciting, and a bit challenging as well, for these parents of immigrants when they are starting fresh in a foreign land, brought here by the choices they made for their own children years ago.

At 73, Visalakshi Srinivasan, who moved to New Jersey five years ago to live with her son and family, was too old to undertake the long distance trips to the US. It was indeed hard for her to stay away from her octogenarian siblings, but the death of her husband made her options limited. She then decided that being with her only son and family was the right thing to do.

“But living here, I have learned to be independent and master new skills and arts that keep me engaged. Doing it all in a foreign land is like starting my life all over again,” observed Visalakshi.

Sixty-three-year-old Ravichandran R and his wife, who recently moved to Pennsylvania where their son is based, is another example. Till around 3 pm, their daughter-in-law, a school teacher, and grandchildren are at school. But the elderly couple are kept engaged by the elaborate facility offered by the township programmes

“My wife and I have started learning Spanish, which is taught free at the local library. Being on social media helps us connect with the world and through the community programmes we learn a lot about how to use these smart tools effectively,” said Ravichandran.

“It is just so common to find men and women in late seventies to be seen walking into shopping malls, gyms, theaters and restaurants, driving their own cars and reaching places all by themselves. For us driving is the limiting factor. The local municipal office organises programmes at senior centre nearby where we spend our time. Here, we learn yoga, jazzercize, play ping pong and attend health lectures,” said sixty-five-year-old Senthil Saravanan, who is living with his daughter in New Jersey.

Embracing ageing requires an environment that is friendly and which understands the complications that come along. It was not difficult to handle few decades ago when the concept of joint family was existent in most parts of the world. With the dawn of nuclear family, the support for ageing population becomes the State’s responsibility and community’s commitment. This is well addressed in the US.

Each township has exclusive programmes run for the seniors to keep them engaged socially. Activities like ballroom dance, yoga, Taichi, Zumba, knitting classes, etc. are organised for the seniors mostly for free.

The township also organises tour programmes for seniors at very affordable group prices. “I cannot forget the pleasant memories when I went on a cruise to Thousand Island, Canada, for a week. The chef on the cruise was kind enough to cook me special vegetarian menu to suit my Indian taste. I have visited casinos in Atlantic City along with my senior centre friends,” proudly recalled 92-year-old BS Venkatachari.

There are special funded programmes linked to Medicaid available for seniors. Under these programmes, qualifying seniors get both aide assistance and medical attention. There is transport facility from their houses to the senior centres where they are offered lunch and breakfast as well as medical facilities. These centers also organise a variety of activities like board games, card games, dances, exercises, etc.

Theaters offer movie tickets on discount for seniors on select days of the week. Covered by insurance, seniors who need assistance get an aide to accompany them, pick the prescription medicines from the shop, provide wheelchair assistance, do personal chores like wash and fold clothes, clean the house, help bathing and what not. By definition, 55 plus years is considered to be a senior. There are special housing communities developed to accommodate the senior citizens.

Not all are so outgoing. There are also the other group of parents, who are perfectly content to remain home and watch the Indian TV channels, talk for long with relatives back in India on WhatsApp chats, visit the local Indian temples and attend concerts during weekends.

Managing the ageing process is all about preparing the mind. Recognising loneliness is the scary truth of ageing anywhere in the world. Contrary to the experience of living in India where one is used to be visited daily by their kith and kin, these old parents have to figure the way out so as not to miss their own men. Truly amazing is the acceptance of the new life by many strong parents who are embracing their old age without missing a beat, all to do justice to their children’s conscience of caring for their parents. Kudos to these real heroes!