Global Tamilian: How destiny designed women heroes

Celebrating the lives of achieving women is the norm in any women’s day event. Often achievement is tied to career and monetary success. In this context it is not a wonder to see many successful names like Indra Nooyi, Kamala Harris, in the list of inspiring women of Tamil origin living in the US. 

True, it is absolutely inspiring to hear their success stories but there are yet others who have bravely fought the twists and turns in life as lone fighters, just to keep their routine life intact in a foreign land and these women will remain our celebrities forever. 

Losing a spouse at the prime age while living the dream life abroad; the shocks and shakes that it brings to the young women immigrants, the efficacy with which they handle their situation bundling away the emotions of love make them all the real heroes. 

At 7 pm he takes the children to the soccer field as usual and the 36year old lady of the house is busy preparing dinner and an hour later a call comes home confirming that her husband suffered a heart attack and is no more alive. Imagine another day just as usual calm and happy, the couple retire for the day only for the wife to wake up alone in the morning, and find that her 48-year-old husband is not breathing anymore. A happy husband walks into his car, gets shot by a stranger and the wife holding her 2-year-old child helplessly see him collapse.  

These are not movie stories but real-life happenings. Tragedy news like these have become almost recurring ones in this part of the globe. The stressful jobs and modern lifestyles take the blame. Whatever could have made this moment come true, the challenges that these minutes throw on a lone woman are beyond words to explain.

Very true that incidents like these can happen in India as well but the complications that challenge women in the US is quite different and compelling to be told. The very first action even before one comply with the cremation formalities is to check the visa papers and count the days one is legally allowed to stay in the country.

If on a H4 visa the wife loses her legal status with the demise of the husband with immediate effect. Questions like house and assets to be disposed before leaving the country is a concern for the mourning wife. No family around. There are calls to be made to get things rolling. If one is lucky to live in states where Indian immigrant population is strong, friends throng the place, but the woman is still alone to make the decision. 

There are incidents of women from a small town in remote India well pampered by the husband till date is thrown with the responsibility of leading the children’s life in the foreign land. In many families non-sharing of important details come to haunt the lady. The hardearned saving that is due for the man’s family has to be officially claimed. With no knowledge about these, the lone widow is left puzzled. 

Many women at that moment start from scratch like learning to drive the car, talking fluent in English, venturing to find the passwords and financial account details of their deceased husbands, figuring out the ways to pay the mortgage dues and insurance coverage for the family. Usually the immigrants show less inclination to the life insurance mainly because of the uncertainty of their stay in the US, at least in the initial years. 

Unlike in India the insurance premiums do not attract tax breaks and so there is less incentive to invest. The coverage is usually limited to what the employer offers. For people with not significant benefits from the employer the family of the deceased suffers. School education is state funded in the US but providing for the college education is way expensive and in situations where a woman has college going kids the adjustments are huge.  

Finding the right job becomes the priority if one is unemployed. It is not like old movies that the husband’s employer finds one for the widow. The job search for the wife begins with equipping herself. Many do not hesitate to set up home businesses of selling cooked food or Indian dress materials. Lives for first generation immigrants is just around the pay check they receive every fortnight. Quite often there are no huge savings to back on. 

The lone woman’s priority is to get it back on track. The doors of going back to India is usually not an option with the children setting their foot in the country, the woman is forced to look at way forward. When they enter the country as young immigrant couples, they make every possible due diligence to make their lives smooth in the foreign land. 

They discuss and plan for the future contingencies include a preparedness plan for winding up as well, but never would there be a plan for the funeral expenses and the life after. It comes as a surprise to the young women heroes who are forced by destiny to handle the point of no return all by themselves. Saluting these women who rise well on such occasion to uphold the American dream of their deceased husbands!