Chennai
On August 8, 16-year-old, R Kalpana, committed suicide at home near Chromepet after her classmates mocked her for being obese.
The student of Class 11 was bullied and body shamed regularly. Though she brought it up with her parents, they failed to realise the extent to which the matter had upset Kalpana which eventually led her to douse herself with kerosene and set alight. Unfortunately, what Kalpana faced is not an uncommon problem.
S Janakiraman, 15, has lost count of the number of time people stare at him when he boards a bus. He has often been asked: “Nee sapida matiya (don’t you eat food)?”. It happened at other places too. At the playground “Is your pet stealing your food”, at family functions “sapaada kannula katta matangala (don’t they feed you enough), and even at public places “take two eggs every day”.
“My parents are on the heavier side and they often get jokes like, ‘do you people eat all the food and leave nothing for your son?’ which is embarrassing and annoying,” said Janakiraman.
“I am a good eater,” the resident of George Town said adding that he hopes to gain weight someday.
Only fair is lovely
For 16-year old Venkatesh, (name changed), a Class 11 student of a school in Pammal, the problem is of a different nature. It has been a couple of months since – after being fed up of being teased because of his dusky skin tome – he started applying fairness creams without informing his parents about it. They came to know about it only recently.
“I joined a co-education school for plus-one and some of my classmates began to make fun of me because of my skin colour. I was extremely upset. That’s why I tried using the creams that advertise on television and promise to lighten the skin colour,” said Venkatesh.
But, when his parents came to know of this, they discussed the problem and decided to approach a counsellor for advice so that Venkatesh feels comfortable in his skin and is not affected too much by bullies.
Support from parents is priceless
Shruthi has always been suffering from low self-esteem issues because of her complexion. “You are not as fair as your mother. This colour won’t suit your dusky complexion” — The young woman grew up hearing such statements. But her mother worked consistently to ensure her daughter doesn’t develop a complex. She said, “Even before Shruthi reached her teens, I taught her how to ignore the negative remarks. I have witnessed enough instances of people making unsavoury comments. So rather than confronting them, I have been speaking to my daughter each time someone comments on her skin colour.”
“I keep telling her that beauty is only skin deep. I encourage her to keep focusing on her achievements — be it academic or extracurricular,” said Shruthi’s mother.
She has also been showing Shruthi people who have beaten odds and have become successful regardless of their skin colour. “I point it out to her that confidence and attitude are all that matter,” she said.
However, Meera Srikanth, a mother of a teenage daughter and a 12-year-old son, believes that besides external influence, teenagers tend to evaluate themselves. “My daughter is into a sports and is fit but of late I noticed her spending a lot of time in front of the mirror and asking if she is gaining weight around the waist.”
“I tease her for going overboard. But I also ensure they are engaged in one form of activity or the other. It works in two ways -- it helps them stay fit and keeps their minds off unwanted complexes concerning weight and appearance,” said Meera.
Expert speak
A student counsellor in the city, K Poornima, said, “Overweight or underweight teenagers who are often bullied in school frequently battle depression, isolation and suicidal thoughts. They may take to unhealthy eating habits and fall prey to eating disorders.”
She added that teenagers who are frequently criticised for a specific physical aspect (say height) may let that characteristic define them. “They start to feel inadequate, under-confident and unworthy to an extent that they may not be able to perform to their full potential even in situations where their height is of no consequence,” she said.
“The only way we can combat and finally end body shaming is by normalising all body types. We need to put an end to addressing one skin colour or feature or body type as the inspiration and the rest as inferior to it. To normalise all body types, it is important that people should continuously talk about it and demand equal representation in the mainstream media,” Poornima added.
Another city-based student’s counsellor, Kaviya Anandan, who works closely with teenagers said, “It is most often a result of peer pressure, pervasive social media and lack of communication between students and their parents.”
A large part of the counselling therefore is centered on self-love, said Johannah Preethika, who works with students in primary classes. “Even at a young age – say as young as eight or nine—they begin to have doubts about their appearance and bodies. To top it, if they get bullied or ridiculed – it becomes a complex. When I talk to such students, I stress on the need to love themselves and look beyond their appearances,” she said.
“I am treating a young boy, who is very skinny and short, and avoids talking or making eye-contact with people at school,” said psychologist Dr Boopathy. “He says if I try making eye-contact, others try to get close to me and ask me: ‘why are you so skinny and short?’ I eat and eat, but I just don’t put on weight or gain height.”
‘Ask for help’
The psychologist said youngsters should try to tune out all the negative comments made on their body. “Youngsters should ask for help if they feel that constant trolling is affecting them a great deal,” Dr Boopathy said.
Malathi Balakrishnan, principal, director of Sankara public school, CBSE students, who has dealt with problems related to body shaming said that teachers must encourage such students to take part in classroom activities so that they do not feel left out.
“We should cultivate leadership quality into them. We should teach them to start focusing on their strengths and skills. Once they do that, they will automatically build better self-esteem, increase confidence and they will stop paying importance to what others say about their body,” she added.
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