Psychologists Explain Why Young Adults Struggle to Talk to Their Parents

CHENNAI: The recent Siya Goel case has sparked conversations beyond the ongoing criminal investigation. While the courts will determine the facts of the case, mental health professionals say it has opened up a broader discussion on a question that many Indian families continue to grapple with: why do some young adults find it easier to suffer in silence than have an honest conversation with their parents?

According to UNICEF, only 41 per cent of young Indians aged 15 to 24 believe it is good to seek support for mental health problems, reflecting the hesitation many continue to have around seeking emotional help and expressing vulnerability. Whether it is choosing a partner, pursuing a career or making an unconventional life choice, many young adults hesitate to open up because they fear how those choices will be received.

According to Dr Priya G Arun Prasad, counselling psychologist, co-founder and director of The Mind and Company, "Many young adults feel trapped because they may feel, 'If I choose my own life, I may lose my family. If I choose my family's expectations, I may lose myself.' Psychologically, this can create perceived helplessness. The person may begin to feel that there is no acceptable solution."

She says such feelings should never be dismissed. "When someone says, 'I feel trapped,' we should not dismiss it as drama. We should try to understand the emotional reality behind that statement and help the person see choices and support that may not be visible to them in that moment."

During moments of crisis, she adds, emotions often overpower rational thinking, making emotional regulation crucial. "The most important decision a person makes during a crisis may sometimes be to not make a permanent decision while experiencing temporary emotional relief."

Counselling psychologist Jagathika Paulpandi believes these patterns often begin much earlier in life. "An individual makes meaning of the world through parental inputs," Jagathika says, adding that children raised in highly controlled environments may gradually learn to avoid punishment rather than express themselves honestly.

"The child understands the home to be a dangerous, non-accepting space, which motivates them to maintain a secretive, non-expressive personality."

As children grow older, she explains, they often begin relying more on peers than parents because they feel accepted and understood. "Listening and validating help a child feel seen and heard, which automatically makes them feel safe," she says, urging parents to create spaces where children can express themselves without fear of harsh reactions.

Mental health coach Nikita Vyas agrees that emotional safety is at the heart of the issue. "When there is a lack of emotional security and space to hold vulnerability at home, it can become challenging for young adults to open up," she says. The fear of being criticised or, worse, the fear of independence being taken away can cause a great deal of insecurity.

She adds that in India, societal expectations often intensify the problem.

"We are conditioned to fit into society rather than cater to our emotional needs. Vulnerability has often been looked down upon and considered a weakness. When there isn't any space to hold vulnerability gently and softly, it causes insecurity, fear, anxiety and trauma."

Having a conversation

The psychologists believe rebuilding trust begins with everyday conversations rather than major confrontations. For parents, Dr Priya says, listening should come before judging. "Instead of beginning with, 'You cannot be with this person,' parents can begin with, 'Help me understand what you see in this relationship.' The goal is not to win an argument. The goal is to keep the door of communication open."

For young adults facing emotional distress, Dr Priya stresses the importance of seeking support before making life-altering decisions. "When someone feels overwhelmed, they need to slow down, create emotional distance from the immediate crisis and speak to someone they trust. If a person feels completely overwhelmed or believes they may harm themselves or someone else, immediate professional or emergency support should be sought."

She concludes with a message to both parents and young adults: "Do not allow one difficult conversation to become the end of communication. Listen before you react. Ask before you assume. And remember that disagreement should never make a person feel that they have lost their right to be heard, loved or supported."