Mind over matter | Decluttering your brain: The science of letting go

Emily Falk

When I came across old high school notebooks of mine while helping my mom declutter my childhood home, I knew I should throw them away. Even if I wanted to brush up on history, they would be a poor resource. And yet I didn’t want to let go.

Many of us face clutter when we do seasonal cleaning or, far harder, when we deal with a deceased loved one’s things. Millions spend huge sums each year on storage, living with jam-packed storerooms and attics. As a neuroscientist studying how people make decisions, I have seen that when given the right tools, people can work with, rather than against, the brain systems regulating decision-making to let go of old ideas and behaviours. Knowing how our minds work is the first step to aligning decision-making with our goals and values.

It isn’t irrational to have trouble letting objects go. The parts of our brain that help us decide what is valuable overlap with those that keep track of what feels like us. As a result, we feel that what is ours is good, and we increase the value we attach to objects, ideas and behaviours from our past.

People given an object typically place more value on it than they assign to a similar object they don’t own. In one study, participants were asked to sort objects into a basket that would be theirs and one that would be someone else’s.

In these moments, loss aversion is powerful. In studies where people made choices about buying and selling, sellers who had the most difficulty parting with items showed the most brain activity in regions processing pain, risk and attention. So we hold on to family heirlooms as well as clothes that no longer fit and piles of travel mugs cluttering the kitchen.

Objects can also become cues activating memories, momentarily bringing them back into focus. One brain-imaging study indicated that past versions of ourselves compress in our minds, similar to how faraway objects blur in the distance. Holding an item you used to love activates memories from that past self, creating a portal between who you are now and who you once were.

Still, research told me that holding on to old notebooks was the wrong approach. My lab studies what happens in people’s brains when making choices and how to use that understanding to make change easier. One way is to switch from the standpoint of possessor to buyer. Instead of asking, “Do I want to keep this?”, ask, “Would I buy this today?” Modifying the decision-making framework shifts the neural calculation in reward and self-relevance systems too.

Another approach is to borrow someone else’s eyes. In our research, asking people to imagine another person’s perspective altered their behaviour to match that person's. Brain scans show taking another’s perspective changes brain reactions to unpleasant situations and alters how we think of ourselves.

Researchers have found that people going through old things are more willing to part with an item if coached to take a photograph to remember it by. In one study, dorm rooms had posters encouraging students to donate unwanted items. Where posters suggested taking a picture first, donations rose by 15%.

The goal isn’t to get rid of everything, but to see clearly why we choose to keep things. Research documents the brain’s tendency to prioritise immediate rewards, so making change feel better is crucial.

Connecting with others activates the brain’s reward systems. Responding enthusiastically to a friend’s donation drive provides social fuel to keep them going while managing stress. Advising someone in the same situation also helps us make the right choices.

We must also recognise how our environment got us here. Ubiquitous targeted advertising, frictionless online buying and cheaper manufacturing trick us into accumulating far more than we need.
Letting go isn’t hard because objects are inherently precious. It is hard because the brain sees it as changing who we are and resists. But if we take a step back and use imagination and connection to see the problem anew, we can let go of things no longer serving us without losing who we are.

Emily Falk is a professor at the University of Pennsylvania and author of ‘What We Value: The Neuroscience of Choice and Change’