Plan Your Career: Do parents spare the rod and spoil the child or be firm?

Parenting and raising school-going children is an awe-inspiring experience. It is the time they become your teachers. They try new activities, discuss new information and share their difficulties and achievements. They also face frustrations and fail to have an understanding of their own strengths and limitations. Children at this stage also struggle to make good choices and acquire self-discipline. 

As I begin to answer your query, I am only reminded of the saying of Matt Walsh, “Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.” It is precisely the point. We have to make the hardest thing workable. Parenting a young child becomes a challenge because it is here that a lot of changes happen in the children. They begin to be independent without parents and spend most of their time away from family. What could the parents do?

Ask feel-good questions: Don’t bombard the children with questions like, How was your school? What did you do? Did you write down the homework? Did you get any punishment? Instead, welcome them smilingly and ask them about the games that they played or about their favourite subjects. 

Value their opinions: Start conversing with your children and value their thought process and opinion. Listening to them without biases brings confidence in the children. 

Never hit the children: There is no exception to this rule. As I wrote in the previous coloumn, children who are hit or slapped turn violent later. They are more prone to be aggressive. Along with it, avoid harsh language. Reason out and explain what you would like them to change. Be specific. 

Teach them to be independent at home too: Teach them to take responsibility for simple things at home like helping you in putting soiled clothes for wash, setting the dinner table, arranging their toys after playing or books after studying, etc. Don’t pick on them for anything and everything; focus on the essentials. 

Spend as much time as possible with them: You need to do this in order to stay connected to the children. If you are working and come back home late, it is better to dedicate the weekends only for family. Don’t line up too many activities for your children on the weekends either. Have a fun time with them. 

Train them to solve little problems: Stop giving orders for everything and start allowing them to resolve issues. Don’t try to fix everything for them. Parents should teach social skills to think and act.  

Incorporate healthy food habits: Along with eating balanced, healthy food, teach etiquette at the table. This is better done by example than mere words. Limit the use of gadgets: The lure of electronics gadgets have kept children away from self-control. Limit the use or later you may have to deal with addiction. You have to sit with them in helping with their projects. 

Have knowledge of their peers: The attitudes of children are heavily influenced by their peers. Get to know whom your children are hanging out with.   

Discuss general family matters together: Get the children involved in certain discussions of the family like a movie that you are planning to watch, weekend trips or 

eating out. 

Values count: Family values should be instilled. Parents should develop moral values that would result in a healthy family atmosphere. Teach them to be grateful. 

The system of reward: It seems to be doing a lot of good in present-day context. It is based on the principle of making them earn what they deserve. The parents should guide them positively to seize the opportunities. 

Love them unconditionally: Keep finding ways to show that all that you are doing is out of love and for their good. Be firm in dealing with inappropriate behaviour, be fair in dealing with indiscipline, and be friendly in your firmness and fairness. Be that role model that they look for and never run short of ideas to praise them.