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'Come out, celebrate the rainbow'
Coming out is rewarding for it is a way of not only affirming one’s dignity and identity, but also that of others from the community, says LGBT rights activist Yuvaraj Harish, as he shares his tale candidly.
Chennai
The first two years after I completed my school was the most difficult period. That’s when I had begun questioning why I am different and a few socialising apps and community groups were of huge help to understand and discover myself. Naturally, I started volunteering for a community group in 2011 as a 19-year-old, while I found a job for myself as a support executive in a BPO.
In 2013, I was promoted as a youth wing leader of the group and was interviewed by a newspaper. The next day, the article appeared with my photograph. I can remember my grandma opening the newspaper, sitting in the living room with her spectacles on and a coffee mug in one hand, as I stood watching her from the bedroom holding my pillow tight. She read the article and kept gazing at my photo before hiding the newspaper from my family. The same evening, she called me out and asked if I was becoming a transgender. I tried to explain it to her, but I ended up telling her I was just volunteering for the cause.
Then, after a year, my sister accidentally spotted me chatting online in a private socialising site, but didn’t react immediately. The next day, she called me and asked me to come to her office. ‘I want to talk to you. You should be here in 30 minutes,’ she said and disconnected. When I reached, she asked me to ride pillion on her scooter and we went to Kilpauk Medical College with no word spoken in between. She walked in and I followed. We met a psychiatrist, who asked me about the ‘problem’ and listened to me not more than 5 minutes to tell me that I will be alright soon. I had to go through a therapy for four weeks which included medicines and even shock treatment. At the end of it, the psychiatrist prescribed some drugs for three months and said I will be fine. My sister thought I was ‘cured’. But the truth was that nothing had changed.
A few months later, I was interviewed by a local TV channel, but unfortunately my family never watched the show. Maybe, they were busy with their daily dose of soap operas. However, a few friends and neighbours had watched it. Some of them were curious to know more, while others thought something has gone wrong with me. Some even said I might have been possessed. Some stopped talking to me and a few avoided me completely.
Initially, I felt disappointed and left out, but I continued with my activism. It’s already six years now and I hope that the people who know me will understand and accept me soon. It will make my voice for the cause louder.
I understand that it would be difficult for a conservative Hindu family to come to terms with my reality and accept me for what I am. If they can’t stand by me, they should at least be ready to detach the emotional connection for the better of both. I am already financially independent and have been living away from them. I have been dating a guy for 16 months now, and we are planning to get married after his graduation.
To me, every gay man should come out not for the world to know but to feel free and better within. When I came out, I felt so relieved. The joy of being open and oneself is the ultimate freedom. I can be anything — straight, gay, lesbian, transgender, gender-fluid etc — as long as I can be myself and be proud about it. So, come out! The world is colourful! Celebrate the rainbow!
— As told to Nishadh Mohammed
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