Why don’t we talk more about parenting?

The author describes her book as a collection of stories about “women over the age of 40 who are thriving”. The stories are about women who took up marathon running, painting, adventure sports, community work, etc, all over the age of 40 and did brilliantly well.

In the process learning so much about their strengths and to love their true selves. A beautiful celebration of older women and achievement!

I am 42 years old and had my second son at 40. Reading this book while still in the cycle of sleepless nights (co-sleeping with two kids), diaper changes, doctor visits for vaccinations and our common visitor the common cold...bad idea right there! The initial reaction was an incredulous outburst, ‘What is this book about?’.

I was also annoyed with my friend. But, all of this was really a projection of my disappointment with myself. Feeling like a failure at 42, not having a real job, and not doing anything or even working towards anything ‘amazing’ like this. 

I also found it really hard to connect with these stories, as they left me with so many questions. If I am not doing the kind of wondrous, marvelous things described in the book, then am I not on a journey? Am I not learning and growing? What do we, as a society, celebrate as an achievement? Why there was not even one story in this whole collection about being a parent, and yes just that? Not, about being a mom and running five NGO’s, and juggling it all! Just parenting.

I can imagine being told, “Maybe, but so many of us are parents, nothing unique about this really.”

But, that’s exactly my point, so many of us choose to be parents, we work so hard at it and yet so few of us talk about it, share about it, why is that? Some of you may question me saying, “Are you equating parenting to mountain climbing?” “Well, no, they are two different things, but can we take a minute to dig just a little deeper here? There are some parallels maybe?”

When you talk of the journey towards all these achievements, what does it really take? What are the actual skills one requires? Patience and perseverance, observation and reflection? Struggle and pain? All done from a place of love and passion...Is this not what all it takes to parent too? Guiding children with behaviour, understanding their feelings and needs, responding with love and empathy.

Building motivation, discipline, teamwork (siblings!). I mean the list can go on and on. When I see it all together like this, mountain climbing seems easy! Honestly, jokes aside... This job of raising our kids, it’s not like we were given a manual when we decided to embark on this process. In fact, most of us function based on our conditioning (and that is a whole different story right?), and yet we go along bravely every day, trying and working so hard.

And in those times when we do it with care and attention, we see that connection grow, the child bloom and how beautiful is that. Is it so unreasonable then, to give this work the attention or recognition and importance it deserves? In our lives, in our communities? I think the majority of us look at achievement as a lofty goal that the few managed to reach versus all that didn’t, highlighting the extraordinary to the ordinary. In parenting, though there is no one end goal so to speak. We also have no clear measure of success.

We live and function in a world of intangibles. Nevertheless, as unrealistic as it may sound, the everyday endeavour to help our kids grow and be their own person is indeed extraordinary! I feel like I should wrap this up with some wise quote or grand insight into the questions I have raised. I’ll just say, think about this - in life, and as a society, we celebrate what we value. Building on that, we focus our energy on what we celebrate and value. 

Can we celebrate, this work, this path with all its ups and downs and beauty? Can we recognise the everyday achievements? Can we shine the spotlight on, and share these stories too?