Celebrating the first step into college while marking the last at home…

Mid-August. This is the time when the promising youngsters take the first step to enter their dream campuses; the culmination of their parents’ decade-long education planning and preparation. Even as it fills them with pride to walk their children into the hallowed campuses, it also reminds the parents that this is the time for them to bid farewell to their teen children. This is when they get reminded that the child is no longer just their ward, but one who is going to begin living independently. The bells of separation ring loud for Indian parents, and is also disturbing for many.

Will my son manage his food, laundry, be punctual to his classes, lock his room safely and not lose the keys, not lose his purse, know how to manage the credit and make payments promptly, back to his room safe after late evening classes, manage the classes, handle the bullies, will he overdo the parties… These are some of the questions and concerns that swirl around the minds of the parents. But they are not the only ones; there is something more serious and unique to the immigrant parents, which is not so common for those back home. It is the deeper question, ‘What next for me?’

Many parents get to face the task of addressing a blank space for the first time. For most of them, life has so far been spinning around the education routine of their kids. But now comes haunting the question about what next for themselves.

Wherever they are, Indian families will always hold education as the top priority – even life goal. Sending their children to the best colleges is the thought that occupies their mind. The pressure of ensuring that their children were on track with education goals seem to be the only driving concern.

Usually, child care plan comes as a well-rounded package, with not just core studies but an appropriate extracurricular activity as well. Both parents may be working, but they plan to have time to engage kids in enough activities – afterschool learning of music, dance, robotics, Kumon or Abacus math, public speaking, art classes, the list is long. Come high school, college planning will become the major task by itself. Preparation for SAT, planning for college funds, designing the summer courses, AP classes planning, organising the music and dance arangetrams, the tasks are engaging and time-consuming. But when the time comes and the child moves out of the house, these time slots get vacant.

“When my only daughter went to study at her dream college, we were so happy and proud. But at the same time we realised we had to deal with the dead silence at home. Life was not the same for us thereafter, feeling empty for the first time. Initially, we did find the free time and space useful for travel and introspection. The thought that holding her decisions in our hands is no more a reality took some time to sink in,” says Sangeetha Rajasekar, a homemaker living in New Jersey.

“Our lives never change as parents. It’s just a matter of changing gears to next level of thought. We start looking for the semester breaks when the kids come back home. We see them growing up responsibly, and they do come back longing for our care and concerns more than ever,” says Ravindran R, whose son is a freshman at a college in Pennsylvania.

Sending food to the college dorm is a new-found activity for these parents. If the children are studying in colleges at a driving distance, they deliver home cooked food for the week. This gives them an opportunity to connect with the children and assure themselves that they are doing fine.

An interesting new trend is that a considerable number of children opts to stay back home rather than move to the dorms. Cost seems to be the driving factor.

“A trend that is not so common 20 years ago when our kids moved to college is that an increasing numbers of children stay back home instead of in the dorm if the admission is within the State. The huge financial burden of college education seems to be the reason,” observes Subramanian Ramanathan, a New Jersey resident.

In the US, while school education is free under the public-school system, college education is highly expensive – it is a topic raised in almost all the Presidential debates. The average cost of a college degree is quite high, which has an enormous impact on the family budget. According to studies, the cost to attend a four-year course has increased eight times faster than the wages in the US. Dorm expenses form a large chunk of this. So, when the child is opting to stay at home instead of dorm, it is a cost cutting decision, too. But for these parents who is yearning to be close with children, this is a big win.

The impulse of an Indian parent to stay close to the child is something that is basic and never fades. But unlike in India, once these children leave home for college, they find their way into a good job and it will start living on their own and alone. Even if they work in the same city where the parents live, the chances of them coming back to live with them is slim. This is the price that a parent has to pay while announcing to the world that one’s child is financially independent.