Untold role reversal, a challenge of immigration

What’s in store for you on the other side of the globe?  Green bucks, big mansion, luxury cars and robots to wash, clean and do your chores, uninterrupted water and power supply, clean roads, less crowd in malls and shops — yes, you have it all, but along with these comes an unexpected role reversal challenge. There are new avatars and untold adjustment stories of US immigrants that go unnoticed.

“When I landed in the US, I was pregnant, I dreamt of walking on Wall Street dressed in the best of formal clothes, entering a high-rise office building. Little did I realise that I would be called a ‘dependent’ here for the next 10 years and these thoughts would just remain in my dreams forever. Me, a dependent on my husband? How can that be? I am well-educated, hold a degree from one of the top professional colleges in India, that too a rank holder, and was employed before coming here,” kept pondering Anita Rajan. Then came the answer, “You do not have the support of the right syllables on the paper.”

They meant to say that instead of H1b, all she had was H4 stamping. “That’s not a big deal, I can always apply for one,” she remained optimistic. Unfortunately, it took her ten years to get a change of work status. In the meantime, she became a mother to two beautiful daughters and had to assume many roles in her home —mother, teacher, nanny, cook, driver and maid — all of which didn’t generate any income. After ten years, when she became eligible to work, she was not sure if she wanted to pursue her dream anymore. She felt so distant from the market. Questions haunted her, “Can I drive to work, can I fit into formal attire? Do I still remember what I did at work ten years ago?”

On the other hand, the story of Maheswari Jangannathan hailing from a remote village near Kumbakonam was quite different. She had no time to waste. As she entered this country with L4 mentioned in her passport instead of H4, she had the luxury of settling into worklife in no time. However, having studied in a Tamil medium school, coping with English conversations in the new clerical job was her nightmare, not to forget her car driving experiences.  Any time she would hear the cop’s siren even when she was at her office desk, she would feel butterflies in her stomach. She could feel the impact of ever-rising insurance costs when she would be stopped by cops when she was behind the wheel.

Still more compelling is the adjustment story of those in the medical profession. Landing with degrees from India that would have cost them a fortune to acquire, such women eventually encounter bitter experiences and people in their lives. “Wow! I thought when I boarded the flight as the newlywed wife of a young medico in America — the land with the most advancement in the medical field — I thought my life was going to be so exciting. Though many said that I have to pursue higher education to practice as a doctor, I never knew I had to start from scratch. The five years of toil and the lakhs of money I spent in medical college was not valued one bit. When I wanted to get ready to practice, ‘Start all over again,’ was the answer I received. Why should I, I asked myself and settled for a non-medical career. It was a huge adjustment I made in my life,” said Bhavna, who had dreams of becoming a doctor.

There are others like Janaki Sowmyan, who is in her mid-thirties. She was termed ‘dull head’ at the school she studied in located in Chennai. Eventually, she began attending a computer programing class at a public library and suddenly felt interested towards the knowledge she had gained and wanted to acquire a fancy degree that would land her a well-paid job in the software industry. She has now settled for a salary bulkier than that of her spouse, who holds a doctorate in biochemistry and works for a prestigious pharma lab!

Are these adjustments applicable to women only? Of course not! Here is the tale of a studious IIT graduate who never enjoyed a childhood because he toiled day and night to move to the US and study at MIT. Everything happened as per his plan but he found that his economic status and job satisfaction in the non-IT sector was limited. Like other Asian immigrants, Harish soon found himself in an IT career. Shifting was a huge reversal and he could not reconcile soon enough. The very pride of being an IIT -MIT alumnus used to taunt him; it felt like fire against his skin on a cool night.

Of course, there are always many like Raghavendran, currently in his seventies, who had everything as planned — degrees from American universities, a dream job, family and loving, well-groomed children and grand-children — sounds perfect, doesn’t it? If you ask him, he may disagree. “There was a big role reversal and adjustment that I had to make at every stage. Something always made me feel lonely and less-wanted.” He accepts being jealous of the young immigrants of the current decade who he believes have a smooth sailing in their career path in the IT sector.

The bottom line remains that there is an untold story on the other side that often goes unseen. The characters mentioned above are true representations of thousands of real men and women who experience both pleasant and rude shocks of the role reversal challenge. Well, you are right in asking why anyone would still stand in long queues to acquire a US visa—because this country has magic. Sure, it thrusts a role reversal challenge upon everyone but it also prepares one to face it with ease. Role reversals yes, but no one is ever left with no role to play, so just get into the visa line if that is your dream!