Life after MH370: In the shadow of an event unexplained

It was our 25th anniversary a few months from that day,” says KS Narendran as I speak to him with a lot of apprehension. On one hand, there is this responsibility as a journalist to bring out stories that need to be told. On the other, there is an overwhelming sense of guilt of having to make someone recall a personal loss, more so when the cause for it is uncertain. It has been more than three years since the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines MH370. The fate of MH370 has been a mystery ever since the Boeing 777 left Kuala Lumpur for Beijing in the early morning hours of March 8 with 239 people on board. Narendran’s wife was one of the passengers. While families struggle to imagine how long they may have to go on this way, without knowing what exactly happened to their loved ones, Narendran has written a book titled Life After MH370: Journeying Through a Void, that documents his experience with loss, grief, trauma and sorrow. “There were many books after the incident. But most of them were about theories and investigative pieces written by aviation experts about what may have happened. Except these, there weren’t any that spoke about someone who suffered a loss and who’s encountered a lot of uncertainty, to live with not knowing what may have happened and to reconstruct a life. There are at least 239 stories waiting to be told at length. I wanted to tell mine,” says Narendran. 

But writing about such a suffering is in itself a big trauma. “It indeed was. The most difficult part was making a choice of what to write which was both honest and the same time sensitive to others. It was also quite a task to retrace what happened before and after. My focus has been to try to keep the essence of what life after loss has been and focus on the quest for truth than an angry narration,” adds Narendran. “But I must admit that it was a little less difficult to articulate to a faceless reader what I couldn’t convey in spoken words to people I knew intimately,” he muses. 

Narendran admits he learnt quite a lot from the whole experience. “Some learnings were very personal and some were about the world at large. Personally, I learnt how to deal with loss and grief. I learnt how to allow oneself to be vulnerable emotionally. If you don’t, you suffer inwardly. The longer you pretend to be strong or unaffected, more is the damage. Also, there is so much focus on being positive, and that you get on with life. We never speak about grieving or our losses and brush it under the carpet. People must learn to grieve and mourn. We need to look in the eye of grief and face it, rather than pretend life is back to normal,” explains Narendran. 

Australia recently called off the search after umpteen attempts to get a trace of the airplane, while Malaysia and the US are in talks for fresh searches. “Civil aviation has successfully made it appear to the air passenger that everything is hunky dory. We need to be vigilant and not just react when the next incident happens. People must raise their voices, both for themselves and the community at large. If public is not vigilant in asking for answers, it is very easy to assume everything is fine. Aviation safety is something that needs to be paid attention to,” he stresses.

Among the chapters, the most compelling is one where Narendran writes about his conversations with Chandrika after that day, and how he finds comfort in talking with her. He uses these conversations to reason with his grief. 

For the nonce though, he says, “Grief is not a passing thing. It is something you learn to live with day in and day out. Of course, life will go on, but it will never be the same. Because, nothing is settled. We’re still having to deal with the uncertainty.” 

While he may have learnt to deal with grief, he says there are certain things about his wife that he will always miss. “She was full of life. She was also highly principled. The gap between what she believed in and how she lived by was negligible. There was much to learn from her. I wish I could be like that someday,” he finishes.