Banker-turned-nun extols virtues of kindness at work, home

That was 1997. Having escaped without a scratch, Emma eventually lived through the crash of the financial markets as well, which unleashed its own set of demons. Realising that a change in perspective was in the mail, Emma went on to embrace yoga, and later became a Buddhist nun in 2012.  The recipient of a Point of Light Award from British PM Theresa May (for Emma’s services to Bhutan), Ani Pema Deki as she is known today spoke to this daily during the Mountain Echoes Literary Festival in Thimphu. Excerpts from an interview: 

I had a choice about my life and what I did with it. After I escaped the hostage situation, I just didn’t want to waste my time. I felt deeply that it was gift to be able to live. Very gradually, I realised that my gift involved becoming a kind person. For somebody who had been highly intelligent in theory with a big career, kindness was not a quality that I rated. I rated smartness, quickness and efficiency. Nobody ever told me to develop and celebrate kindness, which is this wonderful human quality. The quality in me that I wanted to discover was that of kindness. In my best days, kindness is who I am. When you are kind to someone else, it’s not just them that benefits. Your own mind experiences something profound. There is a degree of reflection and consideration that helps to understand the nature and benefits of kindness for the practitioner, as much as the recipient. 

I have studied yoga for a long time, followed by the Upanishads, the Patanjali and many yogic texts. I started writing my book Set Free in Dharamsala in April 2015 and I was doing it with the aim to raise funds for and the profile of the UK charity that I had founded by that stage – Opening your Heart to Bhutan. 

It’s had the effect I have wanted. It’s inspired people and encouraged donations to the charity. It took a bit of courage to open up to the world especially in the position of a peaceful nun – to expose the fact that you have been human, suffering from anger, greed and desire just like everyone else. I have been in that place. It’s helpful to a lot of people, especially in Europe, who are curious about me and need to understand my motivations, such as working with underprivileged youngsters and children with special needs in Bhutan. 

Throughout the book, I have used the motif of the honeybee. The epilogue of the book is now called The Bee that flew out of the Jar. Originally, this was the title of the book. That refers to Yogic and Buddhist practices and traditions, particularly the metaphor based on the honeybee – which says human existence can be compared to a glass jar with many bees circling in it, searching for the sweet-smelling flower, for the pollen. Above them is a thin neck of the glass jar, from which they could fly out and escape. This is often used to describe human existence that is constantly in search of fragrances, while missing out on the joy of total liberation so readily available. 

Two years ago, somewhere during the end of writing this book, I remember walking down from upstairs to the lower level of my small house, and I found the entire place buzzing with bees mysteriously. So, I called my Lama, and told him about this. And he said, “Your compassion is being tested now. You must give your house to the bees.” So, I carried on, living with these hundreds of bees. And then one day, they all died. And I thought it was quite interesting to see these bees appeared at a time when I was writing a book that was originally called The Bee that flew out of the Jar. 

The skilful practitioner knows how to be in the world and be helpful without getting attached to it or being pulled down by its difficulties. The spiritual practice is not aimed at avoiding the realities of human existence but to understand them deeply. I often advise students on how to imbibe the learnings of a formal practice into daily life. That’s something people often need guidance on. There is a conceptual false separation between the material and the spiritual. 

There’s somehow a huge pressure that you should have it all sorted by now. Take heart. If you can relax, your path will emerge. Some of the joy is in the ups and downs of finding it. You don’t learn anything in life unless you make a mistake. I believe wisdom comes from reflecting on things that didn’t go right and caused you some anguish. It will help you change and grow as a person. So, stop beating yourself up for making mistakes. Be kind to yourself.