Chennaiites adapt to changing times by adopting the future

In India, family systems are constantly evolving and they are mostly influenced by the country’s social, political and economic dynamics. Nuclear families have been a trend for the last decade, and more recently, several couples chose to be child-free. However, equally refreshing are the increasing cases of adoption with number of couples opting for the same. It’s not a closeted topic anymore. As November is recognised as Adoption Awareness month, we spoke to talk to a few parents who have opened their hearts to this option.

Jennifer Jacob, an animal welfare activist from the city and her husband adopted a girl child, Dia. “Adoption was always on the table. In fact, as a child, I had even asked my mother if we could adopt a sibling. It is something my husband and I discussed before taking the plunge. Dia is four plus now and we didn’t face any challenges during the adoption process. The response from family and friends was positive as well. I don’t appreciate people questioning my decision. I think it is a personal choice of the couple involved,” she tells us.

Gayatri Abraham of Padme observes that people ask the same kind of questions on adoption they had asked 20 years ago. Padme is a meeting ground and support system for adoptive parents, adoptees and other stakeholders. “Humans have an intrinsic nurturing ability. If you go back to our mythology we have legendary stories of adoption, but somewhere down the line, we lost touch with the concept. While we mostly come across progressive parents who ensure a healthy environment for their children, there are still a lot of prejudices, myths and biases with regard to adopting a child. Couples who decide to adopt are generally bombarded with questions, and the most common one you hear is “Why are you adopting?” points out Gayatri, who aims at bringing all stakeholders on a common platform within the adoption system. “Adoption is not a taboo anymore and there is indeed a slight shift in the mindset. But we need to work on the biases within and outside the adoption system as well. This is an important bracket because everything else in the system stems from here. Religion, community, colour and caste don’t have any place in decision making. A lot of people are working on bringing a better understanding on this topic,” Gayatri explains.

Vidhya Srinivasan took Suman Gayathri home when she was 13 months old. “I always wanted to adopt a baby. But as you must know, like any other family, mine too suggested to go in for a biological child first and then adopt a child afterward. So after my son turned 2, my husband and I started preparing ourselves to adopt a baby girl. We told our son about adopting a sister for him from an ashram and we were all delighted about the same. The adoption took place three years later, and the most amazing thing was that my son kept it a secret for the entire three years, until he reached five. I clearly remember the whole episode. We took my son and nephew to the ashram to meet the baby. And after seeing her, they refused to leave the place without her. ‘How can I leave my sister here?’, he asked.” 

Vidya also adds that her son is extremely protective of Suman. “During the court hearing, the judge asked my son if he would take care of the baby, to which he replied, ‘Yes, I will even change the diapers’,” recalls Vidya, as the family gears up for Suman’s 12th birthday celebration on November 30.

Gayatri also emphasises that it’s important for a parent to tell the child about his/her adoption at an appropriate age. “One of the biggest challenges that most parents grapple with is telling their children about the adoption.

“Disclosure is an ongoing process from the time the child comes home. The parents should set the context right about the same. There is something called age-related dissemination of the fact, and a parent needs to think of when, at what age, and how you are going to tell your child. There shouldn’t be any anxiety, fear or shame. It should be direct, honest and the parents must share as much information that they have. If you are in doubt about disclosure, you need to immediately seek the help of experts. Because a child must know about their identity.”